I started thinking about writing Rudy/Molly because of two things I was struggling with— two ideas that I realised were casting a long shadow over me, and I couldn’t shake.

I called them “the gap” and “the chore”.

The gap was the bottomless pit of need I had, for more and more friends.

The chore was the fear I had that there was something about me that made being a friend of mine too much like hard work.

I decided to look at both of them, full in the face, and when I did lots more ideas connecting me and the idea of friendship started to spin out. Some of the topics were more difficult, and some painful (like the gap and the chore). Others were closer to seeing things like hope, potential and solidarity between myself and friends, past, present and future.

So I decided to reflect on that push and pull between two voices in my head— one called Rudy and the other Molly.

Rudy largely inhabits a world I’ve always been fascinated by: the endless series of long binge-drinking nights, in messy pubs and clubs. When I’ve had times in that world in the past, I’ve been in the roles of both deeply invested reveller, trying to smudge out the pockmarks; and far removed observer, watching someone else’s party.

Observing through my own blur, I noticed how often big nights out are not just about being unhinged, but about being unhinged together. Being the party-animal seemed to help assuage both the gap and the chore at the same time– very much Rudy’s end.

Molly, on the other hand, is circumspect, complimentative, grateful, and excited by the prospect of new friendships always about to appear.

It’s probably fair to say that this project is ultimately about getting these two people to see each other— more than glancingly and dismissively— and to see their value to the other, so there is some real point of contact.

With all this mix of ideas and plans, I was quite worried that there were an overwhelming number of ways the series could play out, so it might be impossible to really get any handle on the writing itself. Partly for my own sanity then, I decided to have them all stay boxed into sonnets.

After 4 full collections of only free and blank verse in the last decade, these are the first sonnets I’ve ever written. The experience was knot on knots on knots— fascinating and torturous.

Rudy/Molly is pretty obviously cathartic, and it’s probably therapeutic too. I also hope it can be engaging to other people who see it, and that the writing is resonant and effective. Either way, it’s been great to trace Rudy and Molly, as they skip around the playground.